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19 September 2008 @ 11:44 am
It's tonight.  I know, I know.  Way late on the reminder, but it is tonight.  So....

First remember that our assignment was to squint.

Second we should have all received a story by our newest member to critique, please be ready.

Third is potluck.
We need:
Main dish (meat)
Main dish (veggie)
Side dish
I'm probably going to bring some corn on the cob.  So I guess that could be either veggie or side.  Anyway hope to see you all tonight at Fuzziekit's.
Current Music: Quixote - Bond
19 September 2008 @ 08:29 am
Looking out my window the glare of the sun is radiant.  Streamers of light shoot out in all directions both playing and magnifying the greens, browns, and bricks of the view.  The greens of the trees that the glowing brightness of the sun shines through die back to almost a black next to the glare.  But the greens of the grass are bright kelly green glowing almost as brightly as the golden sun.  And again the browns of the trees are muted much like the greens.  The most brick I see is in shadow, browns and reds and tans, darken, muted by the shadow.  Similar is the shadow of the tree.
What colors do I see?
Lemon Yellow
Hunters Green mixed with Cad Yellow and a touch of Cad Red
Hunters Green mixed with Cad Red and maybe a dab of Cad Yellow
Indigo, Burnt Umber, and Al. Crimson, heavy on the Umber
Burnt Sienna and Indigo
Prussian Blue with a touch of Hunters Green and some Al. Crimson
A sweep of Prussian Blue mixed with a dab on Al. Crimson with a good amount of water of dilute it.
This is a morning in early Fall.  Crisp and Cool and Green
Current Location: home
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: silence
18 July 2008 @ 09:21 am

I’m sitting here in my living room listening and thinking about the project.  I here the rumble and hum of the freeway in the background and I realize that it is a noise that I will now forever equate to living here at the townhouses so close to it.  I’m searching my memory and the one other time where that hum is so readily there is when we were visiting Dave and Deb up north.  While they had a massive amount of land, or so it seemed, most of the woods boarder on the nearby freeway.  It’s funny that the noise of the freeway is infused into a memory so full of running through the wood, and freedom, and a place that seemed to have no borders.

I also hear the guys mowing the lawn.  They’re a little ways away so it’s also a humming sound, fused with a bit of a growl and a grumble, and a loud chunk as they hit a rock or the like.  It brings me back to a time when I was little and my dad use to mow the yard like every other day.  He use to give me rides on his lap when he was mowing.  Later when I was older, I would help him mow and I remember that loud humming buzz that drowned out the rest of the world.  Yeah, I was mowing the lawn, but it became a time for me to think, my “quiet” time.  Or it seemed that way with the lawnmower being some of the loudest white noise I’ve ever heard.

What other sounds stand out in my past?  Jarring, jarring is the word that can best describe the feeling as the 21 gun salute goes off.  I’m not talking about that recorded b*llsh*t.  I’m talking about a real live marine playing taps, while his buddies fold up the flag that had been draped over my uncle’s casket.  I’m talking about 7 live marines, dressed and pressed, blasting the sky with blanks only feet away.




Each shot rocketing you out of your thoughts and emotions.  Tears that refused to come before, start pouring down checks as each shot startles and surprises you.  Sound as memory?  There’s one that I can’t escape.

Current Location: home
Current Music: freeway, lawnmower, and my memories
16 July 2008 @ 08:55 am
I was thinking that we could have it outside.  It's suppose to be clear that day but hot.  We would be in the shape of the building plus in the evening hours so I think we'll be okay.  So anyway, that's the plan as long as it's not so hot that we'll melt even in the shade, I'm thinking outdoors
I only have one lawn chair though so you might want to bring lawn  or camp chairs with you, or I have metal folding chairs, and if all else fails there's always the grass.
Current Music: Hall of the Mountain King - Apocalyptica
06 June 2008 @ 01:01 am

Scents....I kept my nose peeled over a week's time, paying attention to smells I noticed.  Noting scents that evoked an emotion or a response.  Trying to just be aware.  Mulling over what I might write about.  Some of the scents then evoked a recollection about other ones that weren't necessary for me to smell again so recently.  :)  So here they are! :
2. Grass
4.Summer Breeze
5.Garbage Truck
6.Road Kill
7.Hot Pavement/Tar
9.Burnt Toast
10. Lilac Trees
11. Potato Chips
12. Cinnamon
13.Lilac Bush
14.Fresh Tomato
15.Fried Eggs
16.Wet Dogs
17. Clean Dogs
18. Perfume
19. Body Lotion
20. Coffee
21. Perfumed Candle
22. Unscented Candle
23. Pizza
24. Babies
25. Lemons


The air is crisp, cool...clean.  It's fresh, with a little snap...the kind of clean that you only get in the mountains.  So clean that there's a little chill with it.  Nothing that my cup of coffee and a blanket can't cure, though.  I wrap myself a little bit closer to both as I sit on the porch and enjoy the sun's gradual ascent toward Heaven.  I will enjoy it even more in an hour when it starts to heat things up a bit more.  But I don't want to miss out on a single moment today, so I'm up early, making sure I experience all that I can before my trip is over.  

I bring my cup to my face, wrapping my hands tightly around the mug.  I slowly inhale the warmth and the scent of the beans along with the sweet smell of all the sugar I put in it.  I stop to savor the moment.  It's these little moments that refresh my mind.  That provide the escape.  The small details that remind me that I really should slow down more often.  "Stop and smell the roses", as they say. 

That's why I'm here.  To get away.  To escape.  To try to relax just a bit.  To contemplate and ponder the Universe and my place in it.  To remember who I am.  Or is it to forget?  Whatever.

Instead of roses, I just keep noticing the breeze here.  Which is alright with me.  I've quite been enjoying my time here.  Walking around, getting "back to nature"...another idiom that runs through my mind when I'm caught up in "the rat race" at home...I shake my head trying to stop the cliches, knowing I'll get stuck on them and go forever if I don't stop myself now.  Focus.  Remember?  You're here for focus.

"A sure sign that you needed this trip, when you can't even focus on focusing." I mutter to myself.  It's time to reset again.  I close my eyes, practicing my deep breathing and relaxation techniques that I read about before I came here.  Back to the fresh air....the clean breeze.  Focus on being calm, enjoying the moment. 

I open my eyes and look at the clouds turning to white in the sky, as the sun continues to climb.  The chill is dissipating.  The breeze is still fresh, but it's warming.  I close my eyes again and turn my face to the warmth of the sun.  I think about the past few days here and focus in on my experiences.  I've spent a long time walking here, not quite sure if I'm trying to out-pace my thoughts or just tire myself out so I don't have energy to think about them.  I convince myself, of course, that I'm just storing up on the outdoors before I rejoin "civilization".  Another idiom. 

I ponder how interested my friends will really be to hear about my trip.  They never did quite understand why I would want or need to disappear for a week.  Didn't really get the "retreat" concept that I tried to explain to them.  They were more concerned with "WHEN will you have phone access?  What do you MEAN you won't have internet?"  The very thought of them not being able to lean on me all week was enough to send them into fits of whining.  Only affirming that I needed to get away ASAP.  Time to "recharge the batteries" so to speak. 

"Jeez.  You really can't turn it off, can you!", I chide myself.  Back to focusing. "Really.  It's not that hard.  CONCENTRATE."  I only have this last day, I want to just absorb as much of these moments as I can.  Back to focusing on the breeze...I keep coming back to how fresh it is.  But more than that...I keep noticing how it's comprised of so many different scents.  Just as I used to do when I was little kid growing up in a world away from where I live now.   

At any given time I can pick out a different part of the mixture of fragrances in the air.  Right now there's still my coffee, but also I pick up the crisp smell of the ocean located to my left, the field of wild flowers and alf-alfa to my right.  And then there's that every so often sour tinge of some poor animal that died somewhere.  Luckily that one doesn't come along too often...although I enjoy it as well, simply for that little reminder that life ISN'T all flowers and such.  Not that I really need it.  There'll be plenty of that when I get back. 

I sigh deeply, shifting in my chair a bit.  It's been a pleasant week.  If only a bit bittersweet, knowing that it would have an end and I'd go back to the concrete jungle and the ringing phones and crazy pace.  Back to the garbage trucks and hot pavement, sweaty people pushing against each other to "win" at the end of the day.  Simply thinking about it makes my heart ache to come back here already.  My child self slightly imagines what it would be like to stay here forever.  To run away and hide from the obligations facing me day in and day out.  What if I just holed myself up here in this cabin on the mountain with the ocean and the fields?  Sure...the people who I'm renting it from might get upset when I run out of money since I didn't return back to work....maybe I should have been looking for a cave on my walks...but then...imagine the smell of a bear I might have to take up residence with....probably not so clean smelling.  Nor would I probably be though....I start to chuckle at the snark in my head and then realize I've wandered off in my thoughts again. 

This is how the whole trip has been, really.  Trying to savor each moment, each breath.  Realizing that my life is just as intrusive here as it was there.  Nothing is as simple as childhood, I supposed.  I am more relaxed, more calm.  But still just as frenzied and frenetic.  It's probably the only lesson I've actually managed to realize here....no matter how much I try to slow down, I'm still always moving.  A retreat is only a retreat when you get to get away from yourself. 

Tomorrow I go back, this is the last day for the breeze and the air.  I need to focus.  Get away from myself.  Just relax....focus.  If only I could take the air with me, I think...maybe then I would be able to focus more....

Current Mood: eeep